What My Dad's Curry Potato Taught Me About Love
I used to think love was supposed to look a certain way. But then I learned: we all feel love differently.
Some of us light up when we hear “I’m proud of you” or “You matter to me.” (Words of Affirmation)
Some of us just want you there - phones down, distractions away, really present. (Quality Time)
Some of us feel most cared for when you notice we’re overwhelmed and quietly handle the dishes. (Acts of Service)
Some of us need the physical closeness - the hand squeeze, the hug that lingers, the head on your shoulder. (Physical Touch)
Some of us treasure the small things you picked out - not because of the cost, but because it says “I was thinking of you.” (Gifts)
And some of us? We need something we haven’t even named yet. (Your own)
There's no wrong way to feel loved.
This Valentine's Day, maybe the most loving thing we can do is be curious and ask: “What makes you feel loved?” Then show up in that way.
Here’s what it looks like in my own family
Growing up, my dad didn’t always said he loved me but I KNEW he did. Coming from an Indian cultural background, his family has always been about Acts of Service. Very much like my granny, Parbatee, my dad shows his love through cooking! Food is his love language and he demonstrates his deep love for our family by asking “what yuh want to eat?”. I recently asked my daughters “what do you love most about grandad?” and their reply “he cooks curry potato for us!!!”.
Whereas my mum leans into Words of Affirmation, and even though I’m now 40 years old she tells me “I’m proud of you” and “Take it easy, you deserve it” and “You are special”. And these words still fill me up, even now.
My eldest daughter who is entering her tween era values Physical Touch - a cuddle, a hug, a reassuring squeeze. I lean into each precious moment and hold her extra close in those moments.
Whereas my youngest daughter is all about Quality Time. She’ll ask me to play with her, ask me to listen to her read, bring her colouring book for us to be colour together and often joins me in the kitchen when I’m cooking - helping to knead the sada roti or chop the carrots.
As for me? I'm a combination of all of them. But since becoming an allergy mum, I've noticed myself leaning into Gifts - though it's more about giving than receiving. I get genuinely excited scouring the free-from shelves at Sainsbury's for new products my daughters can safely try. Because living with food allergies doesn't mean missing out on feeling special
There’s no one perfect way to express love or feel loved. But in a world that can feel divided, I’ll leave you with this message from Bad Bunny’s recent Super Bowl performance:
“The only thing more powerful than hate is love”.
This Valentine’s Day, let’s lead with that.
Warmly,
Daniella